![]() ![]() If fastening ball gags to Hello Kitty dolls is your thing, this should also serve quite nicely. That's more than we can say for the next group, unless there's some award for how quickly and effectively young women can make their parents sob uncontrollably while wondering where, exactly, things went so horribly wrong. The Exorcist 4: Pazuzu's All Up In Your VajayjayĪt least the winner got a Guinness World Record out of the deal (and was hired to star in the creepiest milk commercial of all time). Sanitary concerns aside, winner and loser alike appear positively giddy afterward, despite having just engaged in an activity that seems more like a documentary on vaginal demon possession than any recognized sport. Apparently they were merely simulating two icebound paraplegics trying to evade a walrus attack. Since both women got to their feet for a post-race interview, we can probably assume they're actually not handicapped. I assume that mat was heavily treated with a mixture of Tinactin and Pam prior to the event. Were they holding time trials for a new, shamefully gratuitous Paralympics event? Or maybe that tentacle fetish thing has finally come full circle and now they're cross-breeding women with actual squid? ![]() At least there's a sign in the background that lets us know that these women were trying to accomplish a "world record" of some sort. I don't speak Japanese, so I won't pretend to be able to give you a precise play-by-play on what exactly happened there. On your mark, get set, OH SWEET JESUS HOW ARE THEY DOING THAT?
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